


Maria-From-Across-The-Road

by duckgirlie



Category: Calvin & Hobbes
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 18:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckgirlie/pseuds/duckgirlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a new family move in across the street, Calvin's parents jump at the chance to find an unwarned babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maria-From-Across-The-Road

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EcclesCake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EcclesCake/gifts).



One day, a new family moved in across the street.

Hobbes made Calvin watch from across the street, just in case the new family had any tigers of their own, but he got bored pretty quickly when it looked like they didn't.

Calvin's parents were watching too, but Calvin didn't know why because it wasn't like they cared about whether anyone else had a tiger.

There must have been _something_ interesting though, because Calvin saw his mom clutch his dad's elbow and say something about how they had to get to her before that bitch down the road said anything.

Calvin's mom didn't usually say 'bitch' (or at least not when she knew Calvin was listening), so it must have been something pretty important.

She went out a couple of minutes later, and Calvin asked his dad what was going on. His dad just looked at him and said they were trying to ameliorate some of the untoward fiscal strain he causes.

Calvin didn't know exactly what that meant, but when he asked his dad he just patted his head and handed him a dictionary.

Calvin's dad thinks that handing people the answers to things doesn't build character.

Calvin wondered how many things would have to go on fire before his dad thought he had enough character.

His mom came home twenty minutes later and flashed his dad a thumbs-up sign. Calvin would have been more curious, but he was busy trying to balance a clock on his head, because his watch had broken and he needed a new way to tell time when he was out and about.

It didn't work.

 

– – – – –

 

Calvin's parents were in the hallway. They were dressed to go out, but that didn't make sense, because Roslyn was away on holidays for four weeks. Unless she'd come home early and they hadn't told him about it.

Which was exactly the kind of thing they'd do. Not tell him Roslyn was coming, just waiting for him to tire himself out during the day and not be able to wage resistance against her nefarious prison-wardening at night.

Calvin was just about to attempt a climb to the roof to scope out Roslyn's house one block away when he heard his mom calling from downstairs.

He slunk downstairs. Hobbes following at a safe distance, ready to dart away and hide or stockpile ammunition should the need arise. Calvin finally reached the hallway and stood there with his hands buried in his pockets.

His mom knelt down beside him.

She held out a dollar between her hands. He didn't take it.

He wasn't stupid.

His mother rolled his eyes and pressed the dollar into his hand.

“It's not a trap. We're going out to dinner. Maria from across the road is going to be watching you. If , when we get back, you haven't burned the house down, you can have another dollar. If Maria is willing to babysit you again, then you can have _two_ more dollars. Do we understand each other.”

Calvin looked down at the dollar in his hand, then back at his mom, then finally up at his dad.

His dad was standing with one hand in his pocket and one hand holding his watch up to check the time.

“Does Hobbes get a dollar?” Calvin asked.

His dad scoffed, but his mother elbowed him in the knee and turned back to Calvin.

“Hobbes doesn't get his own dollar, because tigers don't need money.”

Next to him, Hobbes agreed. “My kind have evolved beyond the need for a tangible currency. Everything that we require we can obtain for ourselves.”

For a moment, Calvin wondered how anyone who relies so heavily on can openers could claim to have evolved beyond money, but that wasn't really important right then.

He carefully folded the dollar up and shoved it deep into his pocket, just in case his mom changed her mind, and shook her outstretched hand.

“I'll do my best.”

His mother patted him on the shoulder. “I hope that's enough.”

Calvin's mind was busy contemplating all the things he could buy with three whole dollars, and he didn't notice the door open.

“Calvin? This is Maria. Maria, this is our son Calvin.”

Maria-from-across-the-road was wearing a flowery skirt and a tiny cardigan. Her hair was hanging in giant curls on either side of her face, and she was smiling widely and holding a huge box of crayons.

“Hi Calvin! My name's Maria, and I'm going to be your babysitter tonight! We're going to have lots of fun, aren't we?”

Calvin just stared. Then he blinked slightly to see if that changed anything, but by the time he opened his eyes, his parents were gone, and he and Hobbes were alone with this squeaky blonde girl.

“And who's this?” She bent down towards Hobbes. “Why hello there Mr. Tiger.”

“That's Hobbes.” Calvin pointed out.

“Hello there _Mr. Hobbes_ , then.”

She held out her hand to Calvin. “Lets go into the kitchen, shall we? I'll pour us some milk, and then maybe we can do some coloring!”

Calvin ignored her hand, following her instead. It was only when she opened her box of crayons that he finally perked up. She had the _deluxe set_ that his mom always refused to buy him because he apparently didn't need that many crayons if half of them were just going to end up melted onto various soft furnishings.

Maria though, had _eight different shades of red_.

He grabbed some crayons and the single sheet of paper she handed him and got to work.

Fifteen minutes had gone by, and he'd nearly run out of paper – he was going to have to get another sheet if she didn't want him coloring on the table – before he looked up.

Maria was looking at him with that smile still on her face.

“What are you drawing there, Calvin? Is that a picture for your mommy?”

He looked down at the picture and scratched his head. He technically _could_ give it to his mother, but he didn't think she'd get it.

“It's the planet Zapbg after Spaceman Spiff has defeated their evil empire and restored the balance of the galaxy.”

“Well doesn't that sound lovely. Can I have a lo – _OH MY GOD_. What _is_ that?”

Calvin looked down at the picture for a second. He thought he'd explained the picture pretty well. There was Spaceman Spiff's spaceship, just taking off, and there, all over the planet's surface, were the slaughtered Zapbgians. What else had she been expecting?

“I like it.” Said Hobbes from beside him. “It balances the callous disregard of individual life with the inherent respect for life as a concept. Very deep.”

Calvin nodded. He was sure that was what he'd been going for.

Maria though, didn't agree. “How about we put the colors away, then?”

Calvin spared one more glance at eight shades of red, before sliding out of his chair and leading Hobbes into the garden. He didn't think she'd follow.

Her dress wouldn't be up to it.

 

– – – – –

 

Maria may have not understood his art, but she at least let him stay up past Roslyn's usual bedtime, so he supposed he could manage to behave himself enough to get those two dollars his mother had promised him.

At bedtime though, she picked Hobbes up and pulled a face.

“Well aren't you a dirty Mr. Tiger?”

Hobbes grinned down at Calvin. Rule # 312 of Calvinball: whoever ends the game more caked in mud gets an additional squillion points. That put him in the lead.

Calvin scowled for a second until he realized that Maria hadn't put Hobbes back down.

In fact, not only was she not putting him back down, she was _carrying him to the laundry room_.

“I think you'd better spend the night in here, Mr. We wouldn't want Calvin to get sick from all the germs you're carrying around, would we? Okay then.”

She placed Hobbes on a high shelf and turned back towards Calvin. “Time for bed then!”

Calvin just stared at her.

“Do you want me to read you a story?”

“I _want_ you to give me Hobbes back.”

“No can do, Calvin. He's covered in dirt and germs and who knows what else? You're only going to make yourself sick. C'mon.”

She held her hand out, and when he refused to take it, she grabbed it and dragged him upstairs.

The second she closed the door behind herself after tucking him in, he was out of bed and creeping through the hallway. If he could only make it down to the laundry room without her noticing, he could rescue Hobbes and then things would be –

“And where do you think you're going?”

Foiled!

Maria dragged him back upstairs and tucked him in even tighter.

“And don't you even think about getting up again.”

After his second rescue attempt met a similar fate, he realized he'd have to come up with another plan.

He was just about to pull his sheets off the bed and start rappelling down the side of the house when he froze.

 _Something was shuffling under the bed._

“Tonight's the night, eh boys?”

“Good a night as any.”

“Better then any. The tiger's not here, he can't protect himself alone.”

Calvin buried himself under the covers as best he could. The shuffling was getting louder.

“So, what do you say? We just attack?”

“Yeah, I like it. Blindside him.”

“He'll never know what hit him.”

“You don't think the tiger's coming back, do you?”

“Nah, he's locked up downstairs. There's nothing to stop us this time.”

“Ready? On the count of three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Thr–”

Calvin opened his mouth and screamed.

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”

 

– – – – –

 

Maria was apologizing to his parents.

“I'm so sorry about this! I didn't want to drag you back from your dinner, but he just wouldn't stop screaming.”

Calvin looked up at her from where he was standing behind his mother's legs. “There were _monsters_ under my bed.”

His mom ruffled his hair. “What happened to Hobbes? I thought monsters were afraid of tigers?”

“They _are_.” He insisted. “ _She took Hobbes away._ ”

“What?” His mother looked up, surprised. “Why would she do that?”

Maria looked from Calvin to his mom and back again. “But he was filthy! I didn't want Calvin to get sick, and I never thought that it would be such a problem because isn't he getting a little old for stuffed animals anyway and wouldn't you prefer if...”

She trailed off when his mother didn't start to agree with her.

“C'mon Calvin. I'll go get Hobbes and we'll get both of you into bed.”

Behind them, Calvin could just make out his dad handing Maria some money and telling her that they probably wouldn't be needing her again.

Upstairs, his mother carefully tucked both him and Hobbes into bed. She looked around the room.

“Well, the house is still standing, so...”

She pressed another dollar into his hand, and kissed his forehead.

“Good night Calvin.”

“Goodnight Mom.”

“Goodnight Hobbes.”

Hobbes didn't answer. The lazy tiger was already asleep.


End file.
